Hi Reader
I've been looking at my book pile, you know, those books that you bought with every intention of reading as soon as they arrive, but then life and time takes over and one day you realise there are just soooo many of them! 🫣
But you still want to read them.
So, to get myself through my own book pile, and to help you do the same, I decided to create a community of fellow book lovers and this is our very first newsletter! So welcome and thank you so much for joining me.
Not just any book though! Self-development books.
Many of them are such a great resource - they're almost like a cheat sheet!
So, why not join me on getting through your own 'books yet to be read' pile? I'd love to know what you think about this idea.
My plan is to read a self-development book each month and to share it with you so that you can read along too, and I’ll also be sharing my insights from a therapist perspective and my tips on how you might apply what you’re reading.
My first book choice is one I've read before and often recommend to clients, so I thought it was a good place to start. Yes, those unread ones are now crying out "what about me?" but I'll get to them soon. I'm committing to a year of getting through my pile (and the virtual pile sitting in my online shopping basket - don't judge me!).
This month's book choice
This month, I've been diving back into "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love..", by Amir Levine 📘
What is the book about?
Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are in your romantic relationships?
In the 1950s, John Bowlby explored human development and developed his theory of attachment and how it impacts our relationships and interactions with others. And this shows up strongly in our relationships with our parents/caregivers and our romantic relationships.
If you are interested in exploring your attachment style, this book is a great place to start. "Attached" offers invaluable insights and practical advice to guide you along the way.
Today, therapists generally accept it as having importance in all relationships, and although once thought of as being fixed, we now understand that our attachment style can change, and I would argue that it changes depending on our environment and the people around us.
As Dr Levine himself puts it, “There is a spectrum, but what the research finds is that there is a predominant characteristic that you can find yourself gravitating toward more. And I think that’s helpful to know.”
How can I apply this to myself?
- Secure attachment is the obvious goal - but we shouldn’t try for perfection in maintaining that, not least because most of us move out of secure and into anxious and/or avoidant attachment, depending on the relationship we are in and what is happening in the moment
- When we are in a relationship with another person, we can ask ourselves what is it about this relationship that allows me to feel secure, and when does it not feel that way?
- We can ask ourselves, why do I feel anxious or avoidant? And when we understand this, then we can communicate this to our partner
- Be reflective, but we need to also take care not to reduce ourselves to the idea of ‘being’ any one particular attachment style
- Reflect with compassion, for yourself, and for the other person
The most important thing we can do to work towards a secure attachment in our relationships is to build awareness of our own attachment styles and to notice how we are in different relationships - not just how we are, but how the other person relates to us from their own attachment style. When we understand this, it can be really powerful in helping us to have good healthy relationships.
So, if you're ready to dive into the world of attachment theory and self-discovery, come join me!
Don’t have the book? No problem! Here’s a link to the book if you're feeling inspired Attached, by Amir Levine (← that’s my affiliate link)
Until next time
I'll be announcing my next book choice for June soon! So don't forget to check your email for that - and please do let me know if you have any recommendations for a self-development book that you've loved or one that you want to read and I'll add it to my list!
I hope you have a great weekend.
Warm wishes,
Anne
Therapist, and owner of many books 📚
p.s. If you know someone who would love this newsletter, please share it with them 💌
This blog post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase from one, I may get some benefit (at no extra cost to you), but I only share what I love!
